“You’re right, and so are they. It’s all a matter of perspective.”
I first encountered this idea in 2020, buried in a framework that would fundamentally reshape how I understood…well, everything. At the time, I thought I got it. I nodded along. I could intellectualize the concept – of course people see things differently, of course perspective shapes reality, of course we’re all working from our own reference points.
But I didn’t actually know it. Not in my bones. Not in a way that changed how I moved through the world.
Four years later, I’m diving back into this work – not to re-learn the lessons, but to live them differently. This time, through the eyes of the pack.
This is DIG: Through The Eyes Of The Pack – a chronicle of my second pass through a framework that asks: What if life is a game? What if you’re playing it? What if the rules are up to you?
But here’s the thing about second passes: I don’t get to skip levels just because I’ve seen them before. The dogs won’t let me.
Our Dogs Know
Here’s what I’ve learned working with reactive dogs, performance dogs, and dogs with “issues” their handlers can’t solve:
The dog is always right. And so are you. And that’s the whole point.
Your dog lunges at the approaching person. From where your dog is standing, their nervous system is screaming, threat assessment running hot, previous experiences informing this present moment – that person IS dangerous. Your dog’s perspective is valid. It’s true. It’s survival from their perspective.
From where you’re standing, you know this person. They’re your best friend, and they’ve been coming to your house for three years, so you know that there’s no threat. Your perspective is also true and valid.
Both realities exist simultaneously.
And here’s where most handlers get stuck: they try to convince the dog their perspective is wrong.
“It’s fine. They’re safe. You’re okay. Stop it.”
But the dog can’t access “fine” from a dysregulated nervous system. They can’t think their way out of a threat response, any more than we can logic our way into calm when our brains and bodies are screaming “DANGER!!!”
You can’t skip Regulation and jump straight to Control.
The Human Trap
We do this to ourselves constantly.
We spend enormous amounts of energy trying to prove we’re right and someone else is wrong. Defending our perspective. Insisting on our reality. Building cases, marshaling evidence, arguing our position.
All that energy expenditure? That’s dysregulation.
We can’t get to Clarity when we’re busy defending our perspective. We can’t access Control when our nervous systems are in threat mode, even if the “threat” is just someone disagreeing with us about politics, dog training, business strategy, or which route to take to avoid traffic.
The framework I encountered in 2020 taught me this intellectually: perspective shapes reality, and there is no single “true” perspective. I could recite it. I could teach it.
But working with dogs every day has forced me to actually live it.
Because dogs don’t argue. They don’t defend their perspective. They don’t try to convince us that they’re right.
They just… are. In their experience. Operating from their reality. Responding to what’s true for them in this moment.
And if we want to shift the dog’s behavior (and ours), we can’t start by invalidating their reality. We have to start by acknowledging: from where they’re standing, this makes perfect sense.
What The Dogs Are Now Teaching Me
I can’t fake agreement with a dysregulated dog.
They smell the lie in my nervous system. If I’m tense, rushed, frustrated, performing calm while feeling chaos – they know. They respond to what I AM, not what I’m pretending to be.
The only way through is this: “Your perspective is valid. Mine is too. Now what?”
This is Regulation. This is the foundation.
We can’t skip it or bypass it with clever training techniques, positive thinking, using the operant conditioning quadrants, or forcing compliance. We start by acknowledging what’s real for us AND for our dogs, and we build from there.
Regulation → Clarity → Control.
Not the other way around.
The Framework In Action
This is where Regulation → Clarity → Control becomes more than just a nice-sounding sequence of words.
Regulation is acknowledging that both perspectives are valid – ours AND theirs – without trying to force agreement or override what’s real for either of us. Our dog’s nervous system is activated. That’s a truth. Our nervous system might be calm or on edge. That’s also true. Both can be a truth, and our truth. (More on that later…)
When we regulate our selves (another Easter egg…) first and acknowledge our dog’s reality instead of dismissing it, something shifts. Not immediately. Not magically. But we create the conditions for change.
Clarity emerges only after regulation. Once we stop fighting our dog’s perspective, we can see what’s actually happening. Is this about the person approaching? Or is it about the tension in their body and ours? The rushed energy we brought to the table? Their forward body positioning shifting them into prey drive?
Clarity reveals the real pattern, not just the surface behavior.
Control (and by this I mean partnership, not dominance) becomes possible when we’ve done the first two steps. Our dogs can choose differently because their nervous systems are regulated. We can respond more skillfully because we’re not defending our perspective or forcing theirs to change.
This is the work. Not training techniques. Not obedience drills. Not “fixing” the dog.
The work is learning to hold multiple valid realities at once, regulate our selves first, see clearly what’s actually happening, and build the partnership from there.
The Invitation
So here’s my question for you, and for me as I document my second journey through the work:
What perspective are we holding onto that is keeping us from seeing another valid truth?
What would open up if you stopped trying to prove you’re right and they’re wrong, and instead acknowledged: You’re right. And so are they.
Not as a thought exercise. Not as a nice idea.
As a lived practice. As the foundation for everything else.
This is Entry 1 of “DIG: Through The Eyes Of The Pack” – a chronicle of returning to foundational work through the lens of canine behavior and nervous system regulation. I’m building in public, documenting what the dogs teach me about concepts I thought I already understood.
More soon.